This is store bought given by my mother in law, Mama Zohra. It's a cake layered with some jelly and topped with gelatin and cream. I yet have to find the recipe of this one. It tastes like coffee cake and it tastes as good as it looks.
i am capturing into words what had just transpired and will rush it into this "memory box." this is one experience i hope to see one day re-enacted and filmed by Hollywood...or perhaps, Walt Disney. Di ko mag dugay...
grabe! last night Tarek told me there was cockroach in the bedroom. I don't know why they always come out after i disinfect. I have just finished cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen, and sprayed the house with Dettol. I asked him if he killed it. He said no, and it's hiding behind the 10 feet closet. I didn't care anymore since i was too tired and thought that it wont come out until tomorrow night since cockroaches don't like the light. So we slept. Then i dreamt of Sami killing two cockroaches with his bare hands.
Morning came (ya, just this morning, about 2 hours ago,) I woke up hoping that God will gift me again with solitude, even for just an hour. I tooka shower at 7:30 ahead of Tarek who goes to work before 8. Actually, i just shamppoed my hair coz it felt oily and i planned to "spa" it later when i take a bath. Then i made myself a cup of really frothy, creamy, coffee, sat infront of the PC with towel still wrapped around my head and attacked the keyboard (emailing an editor of The Tripoli Post.) I took advantage of the "caffeine high" and just kept on writing. When i pressed "send," barely 30 minutes after i woke up, Leaf cried. I rushed to his side, tried to breastfeed him hoping that he'll go back to sleep. Futile attempt. He got up and started to play. I placed him on the floor with his toys (newspaper, hairbrush, empty canister of Wet Wipes, and wooden laddle) and went back to the PC. Just when i sat, Sami was already by my side telling me, "Good morning...mama, kiss!!!" I hugged him and gave him a kiss. Gosh, he is so sweet. Then i said to him, "Good morning, sweetheart. Nice morning, noh?" But he was already on the floor, grabbing Leaf's toy and Leaf was pulling his hair. Both cried. Wailed, actually. It's another crazy morning for me. It was not good.
So i left the PC, i left my dreams hanging...and attended to my boys. Leaf won't stop crying and began to have tantrums. At his age, he'd roll on the floor and scream and would bang his head on the wall if he could not get what he wants. Sami was also getting jealous of his brother so he kept on hitting him. We had breakfast on the floor then it's potty time for Leaf and afterwards bath time. I developed a new style of bathing them together in the tub. Leaf first, then let him play on his tub while i bath Sami. I wasl already so stressed before that coz Sami was having tantrums and he refused to go to the bathroom. I had to pull him while carrying Leaf who's already naked. After all my futile attempts to convince him, i scared him, "Hala, naa cockroach!" or "Sige ka, bite ka sa cockroach coz the cockroach likes smelly diapers....hmmmm, i smell a baby na wala pa nag bath, says the cockroach..." And finally, Sami went to the bathroom. Then i changed ntheir clothes Sami first, so he can go and play, then Leaf next para good mood pa siya pag ibutang sa walker (coz i planned to take a bath while both boys are still feeling fresh and lSami is still kept busy by the TV and Leaf is enjoying his toysso they won't notice that mama is not around.) But then i still had to apply the hair "spa" cream and wait for about 15 minutes before rinsing....but only after 5 minutes (i told myself, "what the heck, waiting for 15 minutes and Sami won't watch the tv without me? better take a shower now") i took off my clothes (and i was still talking to Sami, "Go watch TV coz naa na cockroach...hala o?"), grabbed my towel and as i was about to place it on top of the laundry machine, indeed there was the cockroach gliding down my towel. I went crazy when it flew towards me. Yelps, leaps, squirm...grabe! I squealed, "Samiiiii...yaiiiiiks!!!" while whisking away the pest.
Basta, for 10 minutes, in all my dakilang ina-wrapped in towel only-glory, hair all greasy, screaming baby in my left arm, a two year old tugging at my lone covering, and in my right hand pointing at wherever "the enemy" might be, the only weapon i know how to use: Dettol Liquid Disinfectant. Mura kog si Lara Croft bah, terminating a dangerous enemy...pero mao lagi, dala siyagit, squirm, running away from the ok-ok if mu lihok...then pa duol na pud, then "squirt" sa Dettol. But before that, i encouraged my two year old, "Go Sami, get the cockroach," and open the bathroom door so he could go inside. I gave him my slipper and told him to smack real hard if he sees the pest. Si Sami pud intawon (im so proud of him and so ashamed of myself, di ba kaha ko ma sumbong DSWD ani?) also looked for the roach, with the weapon in his hand that his mama gave him. "Cockroach mama? here?" he pointed at the door. Na guilty ko later on kay murag wala naman sa bathroom, and ako two year old gi sugo nako patay sa ok-ok? Anyway, i thought ni gawas sa gamay na opening sa CR window. Ay sus, kay pag close na nako sa door and naka ginhawa na ko and decided to bath na...ning glide naman nuon sa curtain kilid sa bathroom. Then that was when "the chase" began.
Una, gi dagan ko dala si Leaf kay si Sami was not afraid (though i could sense that he feels "yucky", he is more curious than scared,) and told Sami to watch the roach in case it moves (kay ning ok-ok ang ok-ok sa kilid sa door tungod pud sa ka hadlok) coz i went to get the Dettol. Then ma-o na pag sugod nako ug attack: spray, murag ga hawid kog 45 calibre gun, one meter away from me ang puerte ka diutay na kaaway, ug hala lang ko ug spray dala kirig-kirig (grabe gross jud!!!) ug si baby Leaf sige lang tanaw sa ako, tingala na unsa na iya mama ug kinsa kontra. Si Sami, sige sunod sa ako nga sige pud sunod sa murag groggy na nga roach. Super ngilngig kaayo, especially when hinay na kaayo dagan and wobbly na kaayo lihok (yuck!) and ang Dettol, mura nag machine gun...one cup ako na hurot ug sige spray. The roach slowed down, then i stopped spraying - not because it slowed down but because it slowed down under the PC table, beneath the tangled wires and socket. That was the time i gained courage- to SWAK! it to the max. Naa gamay squirt sound, so stop na ko and left the ok-ok there. I told Sami " We did it! Dead na cockroach, Sam."
I placed Leaf back on the walker, re-wrapped the towel around me, and took a bath. When the cold shower rained on my face, i began to laugh. Non-stop. Until i cried. It was hilarious - me, in that situation, alone with my boys and the cockroach. Kung naa lang hidden camera, it would be a winner sa Funniest Home Video. Pero walay camera. The only "camera" was The Divine. It is amazing how that experience brought me to my knees, laughing, and praising God -for my wonderful boys, and for the reality of life, it's lightness, and for how a little pest could mess me up, make me realize that there is nothing more real and fun than "here and now."
It hasn't been a good morning. And God did not gift me Solitude as i hoped. But he gave me something to laugh (real hard) about, and it was fun. It has been a great morning.
I am going to the dentist today. It took me three weeks enduring this bad tooth until i finally agreed with Tarek to have this extracted. The pain, daily and nightly, was unbelievably too much despite my medication of Augmentin and Ibufrupen, Panadol, and Ponstan - three times a day! I would rather overdose on pain relievers than go to a new dentist (i left my dentist with the gentlest hand in the Philippines :) ) But after the greatest ache of all aches hit me (i was afraid it would infect my brain and kill me, mentally if not physically) - the pain spread to my temples, ears, neck and head- i finally decided to go.
I remember an experience with pain similar to this...i was holding on to it, i didn't know why. I know it's giving me pain, but i didn't like to let go of it. Imagine me crying, nose stuffed with tears (a.k.a. "sip-on") "Ayaw dagi go biya- e baaa!. Ihadag dako dadad ibo gutdo, ayaw dag gu bya-eeeeh...dagid da gaayo ibo ga buhadod da akooo...huhuhuh..." Yucks noh? It was a scene (and sin!) of me sprawled on the floor, clinging, tugging onto a pant walking out of the door. Then i screamed at it, "Badik dagi daaa!!!...badik didi da agooo!!" Pathetic (squirm!) After a few weeks that Pair of Pants would walk back into my life again. Like a bad tooth, the "cavity" served as a "homing device" for infection. No matter how high the dose of antibiotic i would take, sooner or later, the toothache would return. I had to get rid of Mr. Cavity by extracting my very own "bad tooth" - Paradigm Shift. (Terrible) makeover. New (bad) haircut and color....Oh it was sooo bad, the only anaesthesia available was "shopping." Eventually, pain relievers shifted from Blue Ice, to Vodka, to Tequilla - accompanied with the Videoke. Ahhh, its a wonder how pain could lead us to the edge of our sanity. But thank God i'm sober now. There is a time to plant and there is a time to harvest. Mine was a time to uproot.
Now i am waiting for Tarek to pick me up. I am a little nervous. I've always loved and took care of my teeth, except for times that i still want to relish the taste of dessert in my mouth and would take hours before i brush. I know it's going to take a while to get used to having lost one molar. But this is the best thing for me to do, so that the terrible toothache will NEVER come back.
Take out the bad tooth, to take out the chronic toothache. That is the molar...errr, moral of my story.
I just saw what Sami and i made together while I taught him shapes and colors and how to use the mouse a few weeks ago. It was cute. And what made it beautiful was that it reminded me not to cease dreaming, for how could i teach my children to dream when i don't have any of my own? And how could I build up their faith when they can't see through my life that dreams do come true?
I should love life so that they will grow up to become happy individuals. I should be passionate again so they will become driven to pursue their own stars. I should be true to myself, know myself, and love myself, so they will grow up secure of their identity, and of their heritage.
I remember a book (yes, already a book in a disc) i wrote. I left it where I believe it belonged: the past. It was a dream that almost came true...Now i have crossed over a bridge i have burned. It's time to dream new dreams. It will keep me going. It will keep me alive. It will keep me sane.
