Recent Feats

Here's a list of my newly developed recipes. Some are not so recent but i promised myself to write down the recipes. I am not writing them down now but this list will remind me to do it later.

1. No-bake cheesecake with strawberry cream topping
2. Tortilla with plain salsa and mayo-onion dressing
3. Plum and almond tart
4. Almond cookies
5. Oatmeal-Cornflakes-Marshmallow Pie crust (no name yet, though "Cornmallowoat Crust" seem nice sounding)

It is Eid today. End of Ramadan. That's probably the reason why my thoughts are on food today.

Big Secret

I am spilling out a big news. It is in my new blog. It is a draft, thus a secret spilling. :)
I am just pondering now how to start since every time i write the first few lines, either of my boys would wail for my attention. Sometimes I have to type with one hand while the other hand holds up my Leaf as I breastfeed him. It is classic multitasking. Just like a monkey. And I could not race after my thoughts, well if i luckily have inspiration swirling above my head that time. Mostly it is blank sheet. Eventually i stop, delete the words, and rush to my boys, wipe away tears, smudges and smears from their face. I have become more of a rubber end of a pencil than its black tip. I am now an eraser, not a writer.
I am currently in a dilemma whether to actually pursue this or not. My new blog awaits the entrance of the most important part of my spill. The introduction. As long as i am able to write that down, i will be half way done and will just glide through the wilderness within the body.
Ahh, i don not know. The four year interruption had been agonizingly long and silent, I could not wait any longer. Though there are still minor interruptions on a day to day basis, my desire just keeps on building up. It bursts through the weight of my mundane dailiness. It breaks through my opaque obscure living. So i write. And sadly, my pieces seem to be wobbly, disintegrated vines that has sprung forth from my outbursts. They look (read) really bad to me. SO i erase again. Sigh...this is a never ending alterations of a dream. I am afraid it could turn into a nightmarish form of written words. Very wrong. Very lame. Very pretentious, ambitious, and deluded. So very me. But at least it is original. Blood flows therein.

The Sound of Silence and Salad

Sweet Silence.
I dont know what time it is now. The boys had breakfast and bath, and now they are in bed, sleeping. I don’t know if this is already their afternoon nap or this is a new nap schedule. Tarek, having to stay up all night caring for Sam who’s having tummy trouble, is also asleep now. We had to stop giving Sami milk for a while and feed him with only water with rehydration salt and salted biscuits (that’s really some torture for Sam who likes to eat and drink milk.)

So this is bliss…sweet silence…and i am craving for my Veggie Salsa with Sesame Seeds which i have been planning to cook for Mama Zohra and Fthayim, my ever caring sister in law. This recipe is an improvised version of my mother’s Vegetable Fettuccine, or should i say, revised version (sans the Fettuccine!) My tito Dan also has his own version of this (actually it’s Chop Suey) which he once cooked here in our house. All my in-laws loved it, especially my Baba Khalifa.

Pinky’s Veggie Salad with Sesame Seeds

Ingredients:
Garlic, 1 clove, minced
Onions, 2 cups, sliced
Bell Pepper (red and green), 2 cups, sliced
Cauliflower
Broccolli
Carrots, 2 cups, diced (same size as the cauli and broccolli)
Potatoes, 2 cups, diced
Mushroom, buttons, 1 cup
Worsistershire Sauce
salt and pepper
Orange juice, 2 tbsps. Lemon, 2 tbsps., 7-up or Sprite-1/8 cup, blend all with a glass of water.
Sesame seeds

Steam cauliflower, broccolli, and carrots for 5 minutes. Steam potatoes until half cook. Set aside.
Saute garlic until golden brown. Add onions. Add half of the bell pepper when onions begin to caramelize. Add mushrooms and potatoes. Season with salt and pepper. Pour in the juice-lemon-softdrink-water mixture (and enjoy the sizzling sound!) Mix until potatoes are cooked well. Add the other half of the bell pepper and the remaining vegetables. Stir fry. Season with worcistershire sauce. Re-season with salt and pepper to taste. Plate in. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top.

(chicken or seafood can be added in the saute, but this purely veggie mix is more enjoyable for me.)

Solitude can be really so comforting.. It has seduced me into dreaming of a culinary delight. Hmmmm….

My one Big C

This coffee tastes so good. i have given up caffeine in my diet, but lately i have rediscovered the highs of it. So here i am, back to my "coffee in the silent morning." Even though i miss the mornings in the Philippines: sunrays through the window, sound of birds chirping on the frontyard trees, the neighbor's rooster crowing, sizzling sound of breakfast cooking in the kitchen (by the helper, yes), early morning news on the tv, the neighbor cleaning her yard (you can hear the not so distant sound of walis tingting brushing the ground) and oh the warm, gentle, day breeze...then my dear Coffee seeping through my mouth, taste buds, then the warmly gliding in my throat.. the feeling is still the same here, and now.

I guess my affair with this sinfully bittersweet beverage will never end. It gives me the rush. It inspires me to write. Together with solitude, they empty up my cup, lets me pour laughter and tears for my own relief and joy, and then they fill me up again with more...until i am reminded once again of who really i am. A part of me belongs here: with Coffee, mornings, solitude. I never realized how much i miss this. And after a while, i pick up my guitar, sing, and pray. I fall on my knees, receive mercy and grace.

Mornings like this pave way for worship.

Leaf is awake now.

The Great Cockroach Chase

i am capturing into words what had just transpired and will rush it into this "memory box." this is one experience i hope to see one day re-enacted and filmed by Hollywood...or perhaps, Walt Disney. Di ko mag dugay...

grabe! last night Tarek told me there was cockroach in the bedroom. I don't know why they always come out after i disinfect. I have just finished cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen, and sprayed the house with Dettol. I asked him if he killed it. He said no, and it's hiding behind the 10 feet closet. I didn't care anymore since i was too tired and thought that it wont come out until tomorrow night since cockroaches don't like the light. So we slept. Then i dreamt of Sami killing two cockroaches with his bare hands.

Morning came (ya, just this morning, about 2 hours ago,) I woke up hoping that God will gift me again with solitude, even for just an hour. I tooka shower at 7:30 ahead of Tarek who goes to work before 8. Actually, i just shamppoed my hair coz it felt oily and i planned to "spa" it later when i take a bath. Then i made myself a cup of really frothy, creamy, coffee, sat infront of the PC with towel still wrapped around my head and attacked the keyboard (emailing an editor of The Tripoli Post.) I took advantage of the "caffeine high" and just kept on writing. When i pressed "send," barely 30 minutes after i woke up, Leaf cried. I rushed to his side, tried to breastfeed him hoping that he'll go back to sleep. Futile attempt. He got up and started to play. I placed him on the floor with his toys (newspaper, hairbrush, empty canister of Wet Wipes, and wooden laddle) and went back to the PC. Just when i sat, Sami was already by my side telling me, "Good morning...mama, kiss!!!" I hugged him and gave him a kiss. Gosh, he is so sweet. Then i said to him, "Good morning, sweetheart. Nice morning, noh?" But he was already on the floor, grabbing Leaf's toy and Leaf was pulling his hair. Both cried. Wailed, actually. It's another crazy morning for me. It was not good.

So i left the PC, i left my dreams hanging...and attended to my boys. Leaf won't stop crying and began to have tantrums. At his age, he'd roll on the floor and scream and would bang his head on the wall if he could not get what he wants. Sami was also getting jealous of his brother so he kept on hitting him. We had breakfast on the floor then it's potty time for Leaf and afterwards bath time. I developed a new style of bathing them together in the tub. Leaf first, then let him play on his tub while i bath Sami. I wasl already so stressed before that coz Sami was having tantrums and he refused to go to the bathroom. I had to pull him while carrying Leaf who's already naked. After all my futile attempts to convince him, i scared him, "Hala, naa cockroach!" or "Sige ka, bite ka sa cockroach coz the cockroach likes smelly diapers....hmmmm, i smell a baby na wala pa nag bath, says the cockroach..." And finally, Sami went to the bathroom. Then i changed ntheir clothes Sami first, so he can go and play, then Leaf next para good mood pa siya pag ibutang sa walker (coz i planned to take a bath while both boys are still feeling fresh and lSami is still kept busy by the TV and Leaf is enjoying his toysso they won't notice that mama is not around.) But then i still had to apply the hair "spa" cream and wait for about 15 minutes before rinsing....but only after 5 minutes (i told myself, "what the heck, waiting for 15 minutes and Sami won't watch the tv without me? better take a shower now") i took off my clothes (and i was still talking to Sami, "Go watch TV coz naa na cockroach...hala o?"), grabbed my towel and as i was about to place it on top of the laundry machine, indeed there was the cockroach gliding down my towel. I went crazy when it flew towards me. Yelps, leaps, squirm...grabe! I squealed, "Samiiiii...yaiiiiiks!!!" while whisking away the pest.

Basta, for 10 minutes, in all my dakilang ina-wrapped in towel only-glory, hair all greasy, screaming baby in my left arm, a two year old tugging at my lone covering, and in my right hand pointing at wherever "the enemy" might be, the only weapon i know how to use: Dettol Liquid Disinfectant. Mura kog si Lara Croft bah, terminating a dangerous enemy...pero mao lagi, dala siyagit, squirm, running away from the ok-ok if mu lihok...then pa duol na pud, then "squirt" sa Dettol. But before that, i encouraged my two year old, "Go Sami, get the cockroach," and open the bathroom door so he could go inside. I gave him my slipper and told him to smack real hard if he sees the pest. Si Sami pud intawon (im so proud of him and so ashamed of myself, di ba kaha ko ma sumbong DSWD ani?) also looked for the roach, with the weapon in his hand that his mama gave him. "Cockroach mama? here?" he pointed at the door. Na guilty ko later on kay murag wala naman sa bathroom, and ako two year old gi sugo nako patay sa ok-ok? Anyway, i thought ni gawas sa gamay na opening sa CR window. Ay sus, kay pag close na nako sa door and naka ginhawa na ko and decided to bath na...ning glide naman nuon sa curtain kilid sa bathroom. Then that was when "the chase" began.

Una, gi dagan ko dala si Leaf kay si Sami was not afraid (though i could sense that he feels "yucky", he is more curious than scared,) and told Sami to watch the roach in case it moves (kay ning ok-ok ang ok-ok sa kilid sa door tungod pud sa ka hadlok) coz i went to get the Dettol. Then ma-o na pag sugod nako ug attack: spray, murag ga hawid kog 45 calibre gun, one meter away from me ang puerte ka diutay na kaaway, ug hala lang ko ug spray dala kirig-kirig (grabe gross jud!!!) ug si baby Leaf sige lang tanaw sa ako, tingala na unsa na iya mama ug kinsa kontra. Si Sami, sige sunod sa ako nga sige pud sunod sa murag groggy na nga roach. Super ngilngig kaayo, especially when hinay na kaayo dagan and wobbly na kaayo lihok (yuck!) and ang Dettol, mura nag machine gun...one cup ako na hurot ug sige spray. The roach slowed down, then i stopped spraying - not because it slowed down but because it slowed down under the PC table, beneath the tangled wires and socket. That was the time i gained courage- to SWAK! it to the max. Naa gamay squirt sound, so stop na ko and left the ok-ok there. I told Sami " We did it! Dead na cockroach, Sam."

I placed Leaf back on the walker, re-wrapped the towel around me, and took a bath. When the cold shower rained on my face, i began to laugh. Non-stop. Until i cried. It was hilarious - me, in that situation, alone with my boys and the cockroach. Kung naa lang hidden camera, it would be a winner sa Funniest Home Video. Pero walay camera. The only "camera" was The Divine. It is amazing how that experience brought me to my knees, laughing, and praising God -for my wonderful boys, and for the reality of life, it's lightness, and for how a little pest could mess me up, make me realize that there is nothing more real and fun than "here and now."

It hasn't been a good morning. And God did not gift me Solitude as i hoped. But he gave me something to laugh (real hard) about, and it was fun. It has been a great morning.

My Dish

So my journey begins now. Here in my kitchen, dishing inspirations, memories, and random thoughts.

Dreams are reawakened, from bubbles into a platter of delight, and hope.
And perhaps, pain too.

This is my craft room, your haven, trash bin, closet.
I write, you feed. I feed, you live.
I write, i die. And then again, i wake.
And live.

On Love and Onions

A very long time ago, I was told "Pinky, our love is like an onion..." and i couldn't figure out the rest of the words/explanation because all saw before my eyes was a "slow peeling of the onion bulb until there's nothing left." And tears blurred that vision, realizing that "Love like an Onion" speech is actually an introduction towards the end. A break up. Boy, was that so bland a taste for words? And the poor onion, my sweet spice of all times, was hostaged. So i believed the statement and let go.
This time, I want to redeem Onion.
As i slice the smooth, shiny, translucent bulb, happiness fill me. Every "guinisa" tastes glorious with tons of sliced or diced onions. People always wonder what i put on it. Don't we ever wonder how most people seem to be a lot happier, lighter, and more inspiring than some? No, it's not because of the guinisa with lots of onions. It is love. Sweet, and spicy.
When sauteing, I don't need to add "vetsin" or "guinisa mix." What do I need the artificial flavor for when i have loads of onions to make my food real happy?
Love never peels away. An onion, never does too, or else it becomes nothing, and leaves nothing but a smell that makes you cry. And though sometimes it brings you tears, but it always comes back on a platter that fills your life.
My marriage is so spiced up that i, together with my husband, could be tossed anywhere and any place would simply taste good. Onions in salads, onions in broth, onions in patties, onions over anything...Oh sweet love!
I bet there's more "Onion Stories" to discover and be inspired with.
Let us redeem Onion.

The Wonders of an Egg

My son, Sami loves boiled eggs. Haven't some of us, at some point in our childhood, favored boiled eggs more than anything? Just like the ad "Itlog" of Lactum, i could only sigh and boil eggs every morning. And peel off shells. And remember Joyjoy Mac everytime. She taught me, at Duka Bay, during a Holy Week retreat, how to peel off egg shells real fast: CRACK, SQUEEZE, PEEL. Usually we just crack, and peel, which makes it more difficult because of a white's pasty layer that sticks between the shell and the egg. It almost looks like a mosaic of cream, white, and cracks. But when you CRACK it first on any hard surface (tile, back of spoon, back of head, etc.) then SQUEEZE gently, enough to create larger cracks, you then can PEEL off the shell easily.
E.T. (Extra thought): People with "cracks" actually need a gentle squeeze. You ignore them and let them stay looking like ugly mosaics of humanity, you suffer the sight (and sound and "feel" ) of them. You squeeze or pound them hard, you suffer the mess (and smell and taste) of them. Give them a tender, loving, careful squeeze, and they will let you into to themselves, to peel them, and bring out a smooth, royal whiteness that has a great potential to flavor and garnish your life.

Sweet!

Sweet!
How i hate ants in the kitchen. Tarek told me not to touch them. As long as they're black and little, they are harmless (they just make my creamed coffee look so polka dotted!)
Tarek teased me of being so sweet that's why my kitchen ia a little bit infested with ants. They don't just love the sugar,he said, but they like to hang around wherever i leave my doughy scent. Oh i don't know about that. Ants like me because I am sweet?
I didn't really cared much about why or how ants could like me, until i saw a small swarm on the floor today....Ants. Having a feast.
All over a little, dead cockroach.

That Bad Tooth

I am going to the dentist today. It took me three weeks enduring this bad tooth until i finally agreed with Tarek to have this extracted. The pain, daily and nightly, was unbelievably too much despite my medication of Augmentin and Ibufrupen, Panadol, and Ponstan - three times a day! I would rather overdose on pain relievers than go to a new dentist (i left my dentist with the gentlest hand in the Philippines :) ) But after the greatest ache of all aches hit me (i was afraid it would infect my brain and kill me, mentally if not physically) - the pain spread to my temples, ears, neck and head- i finally decided to go.
I remember an experience with pain similar to this...i was holding on to it, i didn't know why. I know it's giving me pain, but i didn't like to let go of it. Imagine me crying, nose stuffed with tears (a.k.a. "sip-on") "Ayaw dagi go biya- e baaa!. Ihadag dako dadad ibo gutdo, ayaw dag gu bya-eeeeh...dagid da gaayo ibo ga buhadod da akooo...huhuhuh..." Yucks noh? It was a scene (and sin!) of me sprawled on the floor, clinging, tugging onto a pant walking out of the door. Then i screamed at it, "Badik dagi daaa!!!...badik didi da agooo!!" Pathetic (squirm!) After a few weeks that Pair of Pants would walk back into my life again. Like a bad tooth, the "cavity" served as a "homing device" for infection. No matter how high the dose of antibiotic i would take, sooner or later, the toothache would return. I had to get rid of Mr. Cavity by extracting my very own "bad tooth" - Paradigm Shift. (Terrible) makeover. New (bad) haircut and color....Oh it was sooo bad, the only anaesthesia available was "shopping." Eventually, pain relievers shifted from Blue Ice, to Vodka, to Tequilla - accompanied with the Videoke. Ahhh, its a wonder how pain could lead us to the edge of our sanity. But thank God i'm sober now. There is a time to plant and there is a time to harvest. Mine was a time to uproot.
Now i am waiting for Tarek to pick me up. I am a little nervous. I've always loved and took care of my teeth, except for times that i still want to relish the taste of dessert in my mouth and would take hours before i brush. I know it's going to take a while to get used to having lost one molar. But this is the best thing for me to do, so that the terrible toothache will NEVER come back.
Take out the bad tooth, to take out the chronic toothache. That is the molar...errr, moral of my story.