Big Secret

I am spilling out a big news. It is in my new blog. It is a draft, thus a secret spilling. :)
I am just pondering now how to start since every time i write the first few lines, either of my boys would wail for my attention. Sometimes I have to type with one hand while the other hand holds up my Leaf as I breastfeed him. It is classic multitasking. Just like a monkey. And I could not race after my thoughts, well if i luckily have inspiration swirling above my head that time. Mostly it is blank sheet. Eventually i stop, delete the words, and rush to my boys, wipe away tears, smudges and smears from their face. I have become more of a rubber end of a pencil than its black tip. I am now an eraser, not a writer.
I am currently in a dilemma whether to actually pursue this or not. My new blog awaits the entrance of the most important part of my spill. The introduction. As long as i am able to write that down, i will be half way done and will just glide through the wilderness within the body.
Ahh, i don not know. The four year interruption had been agonizingly long and silent, I could not wait any longer. Though there are still minor interruptions on a day to day basis, my desire just keeps on building up. It bursts through the weight of my mundane dailiness. It breaks through my opaque obscure living. So i write. And sadly, my pieces seem to be wobbly, disintegrated vines that has sprung forth from my outbursts. They look (read) really bad to me. SO i erase again. Sigh...this is a never ending alterations of a dream. I am afraid it could turn into a nightmarish form of written words. Very wrong. Very lame. Very pretentious, ambitious, and deluded. So very me. But at least it is original. Blood flows therein.