Crispiest, Chewiest Cookie

The cookies from my oven usually come out either soft or as hard as a rock. Finally, i have done quite a great job lovingly laboring on the ingredients and in twenty minutes the cookies are born. My heart has already been taken the moment they are whisked in the bowl and molded in the oven. :)

Ingredients:
1 cup oatmeal
1 cup raisins
1 1/2 cups roughly grounded peanuts
1 1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp. baking powder
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1/2 tsp almond extract

Mix the first six (dry) ingredients together. Set aside. In another bowl, beat eggs, add milk and almond extract. Pour mixture into the dry ingredients. Mix well. Drop a tablespoon of mixture into a lined cookie sheet, press a little. Bake in 300 degrees for about 10 minutes (or check if bottom of cookie has browned.) Enjoy!

Options:
You may replace first three ingredients with granola.
Use vanilla instead of almond extract.
Keep the dough overnight in the fridge and bake it the day after.

A Breakfast Favorite

We just had a "happy breakfast" today. It means, my boys get to have one of their favorite breakfast meal. I usually serve this once or twice a week (in varied forms.)

Sort of Like Hash Browns

Ingredients:
2 large potatoes, cooked
3 Tbsps. cream cheese
1 large egg
1 tbsp. chopped garlic
5 tbsps. bread crumbs
olive oil
1 tbsp. butter
1/8 cup milk
vegetable oil
salt and pepper


Procedure:
Mash potatoes and blend in cream cheese. Beat in egg, milk, butter, salt and pepper. Set aside.
In a pan, fry garlic in olive oil until golden brown. Add into the potato mixture. Add bread crumbs. Mix well. Fry until golden brown. Drain oil in paper towel.

This may be served with mayonnaise, catsup or any dressing of choice.

Nameless Sweet Treat

This is store bought given by my mother in law, Mama Zohra. It's a cake layered with some jelly and topped with gelatin and cream. I yet have to find the recipe of this one. It tastes like coffee cake and it tastes as good as it looks.

I also have to get the name of this cake.

Makeover for This Kitchen

Another blog on day-to-day life/activities has been created and so this Kitchen will have a total makeover. This will be filled with recipes and home remedies, crafts, ideas, et al while Potpourri will be about my personal (ah!)musings. I will have to find time to talk with Hazel about "facelifting" my blogs since communication with friends and real people/bloggers seems nil and i am dying everyday to have at least one good, rejuvinating, social exchange with a normal, reasonable, thinking adult. :)

Recent kitchen feats are:
1. Sam Yum Pizza Sauce (Sam's favorite)
2. Version of Libyan Guinisa (potatoe, Zuchinni, carrots, eggplant, tomatoes and fish)

Redefining a DH

I am a DH in three roles - a Domestic Helper, a Diva Housewife, and a Dedicated Homemaker. The fourth role which i am totally not is a Desperate Housewife. Though i can much relate to Felicity Hoffman's role in that tv series i am not desperate because i am actually beyond that. :)
If only i can just be Dumb and Happy (DH too, huh?). I am one Deranged Housewife. God help me. I need Divine Help.

Almond Plum Tart

These are nutty plum tarts. They came out pretty fine. They are made of Almond, plums and a sweet dough. I am not (yet) writing the recipe for this because they taste so-so to me...not really that yummy, just good.

Just Another Cheesecake Variation

This one speaks of something that could send your taste buds bursting though this is actually made out of the extras (cream cheese mixture and graham crust) of my Strawberry Cream Cheesecake because the dish i used was a little smaller than usual. I just sprinkled it with choco and colored mint sprinkles and edible glitters then topped with gelatin for a glassy look. I also added more gelatin and milk to the cream cheese so it looks more like a Maja Blanca than a Cheesecake. Nevertheless it still tastes (a little) like cheesecake. This is a fun dessert for kids. All of my husband's little nephews loved this.

Does this speak a thousand words?

I doubt if this one does but this Strawberry Cream Cheesecake was loved by everyone during the party in Pasotti. I accidentally created a marble effect on one area because i hadn't waited a little longer for the cream cheese mixture to solidify enough. In cases like this, minor damage caused by impatience can be remedied with a dash of creativity...and calling the result "marble effect" may disguise an error. "Murag abstract." Besides it doesn't really change it's taste. But this is only applicable in rare and selected cases. :)

Natural Air Freshener

This one's an idea shared by a fellow member of Mylot which i have found to be very useful and effective and which i have (as usual) improvised for lack of ingredients. I always love a nice smelling room/house/bathroom and i consume a lot of air freshener, scented candles, potpourri oil, and incense sticks. I wanted to do away with air freshener considering the damage it could bring to our environment and also the scented candles because i tend to forget to put it off. With the incense sticks, i have found the ash to be sometimes quite messy even on a holder. Now this new incense-like room freshener is a lot safer, cleaner, more natural and has a lasting scent that lingers in the house all day long.

Ingredients:
2 tbsps. Liquid Vanilla Extract
1/4 cup Mint Leaves (preferably dried)
1 tbsp. Cinnamon Powder
2 tbsps. Vanillin Sugar
1 tbsp. Grated Solid Musk
1 1/2 cups water

Procedure:
Mix all ingredients in a stock pot. Cover pot. Bring to a boil. Adjust heat to medium low. Open pot and let the smoke fill the room. This will leave a sweet and fresh scent in your the house.

I usually carry the smoking pot around the house and swing the pot a little to let the smoke out. The scent is actually absorbed by the curtains and linens and fabrics of sofas. The ingredients above actually makes Vanilla Musk scent. One can play with the ingredients, experiment with herbs/leaves scents, add lemon and lime peelings, use other kinds of potpourri oils instead of solid musk. I plan to use Pine tree leaves and bark next time and citrus peelings instead of musk and vanilla. Please leave a comment if you have tried this.

Promises are Made to be Eaten

I have finally found the time and the confidence to write down the recipes of the yummies born in my kitchen. I want to start with the Cheesecake which i also recently improvised (again) last week in my Tito Dan's flat in Janzour. He and my husband liked it so much that Tito asked me to make one this friday for the party of his co-worker, Nong Johnny whose wife, Ate Delai also happen to make Ice Cream Cakes and sells them here to both locals and expats. Tito said the guests will surely like it and i could start a business like Ate Delai's here. I doubt it because this Cheesecake is no-bake, so easy to make and i am pretty sure anybody could whip this up in 10 minutes. And boy, these babes didn't just taste divine, they looked fabulous too chilling in the fridge. Too bad i wasn't able to take photos of them. I hope this coming friday i will be able to. Ahhh, enough of promises-to-self. Here it is:

Ingredients:
250 grams cream cheese (Philadelphia or Magnolia)
250ml all purpose cream
3 tbsps. honey
2 envelopes (2 tbsps.) gelatin (Knox)
3/4 cups sugar
2 cups boiling water

Crust:
1 cup crushed graham crackers
10 tbsps. melted butter
3 tbsps. brown sugar

Strawberry Cream Topping:
200ml strawberry flavored cream
1 tbsp. strawberry flavored gelatin (Foster Clark's)
1/4 cup sugar
1 cup boiling water
tiny marshmallows
choco sprinkles
edible gold dust/pastry glitters

Topping II - Choco Almond Glitz
1 cube (1 0z) semi sweet chocolate
2 tbsps. butter
1 box almond flavored gulaman (Alsa)
3/4 cup black coffee (1 tbsp. coffee)
1/4 cup evaporated milk
3/4 cup water
sweetened white chocolate sprinkles/shavings
pastry glitters


Procedure:
CRUST:
Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Spread evenly onto the bottom of a pie pan. Chill.

CHEESECAKE:
Beat cream cheese until fluffly. Blend in all purpose cream and honey. Mix well. Set aside.
Mix gelatin and sugar in another bowl. Add boiling water. Mix well until gelatin completely dissolves. Stir for about 2 minutes. Gradually add into the cream cheese mixture. Mix well as gelatin mixture is slowly poured into the cream mixture. Pour into the prepared crust. Refrigirate until a bit firm.

STRAWBERRY TOPPING:
Mix gelatin and sugar in a bowl. Add boiling water, stirring constantly until gelatin dissolves.
In another bowl whip the strawberry cream and gradually add the gelatin mixture. Beat until well blended. Pour onto the slightly firm cheesecake and sprinkle with choco sprinkles, marshmallows and pastry gold dust. Return to the fridge. Chill for about 3 hours.

TOPPING II -CHOCO ALMOND GLITZ
Melt chocolate and butter in a double broiler. Stir in coffee. Set aside.
Boil water and milk. Add the chocolate-cofee mixture. Stir well. Pour the gulaman. Mix well.
Take out of the heat and continue to stir until warm. Pour into the slightly firm cheesecake. Sprinkle with white chocolate and pastry glitters.

Still Cooking

This is another list of more putting offs to do. The writing down of recipes of my latest kitchen feats seems to be a struggle for me. Perhaps it is an unconscious selfish act or feeling of mine to keep the recipes to myself. Or it could be my plain graciousness and generosity (can you hear horn blowing here???) to let others sit, relax and wait while i lovingly craft my delicacies for them to enjoy. I really don't know. Maybe i will write them down here later. Meanwhile, here are more "newborns" from my kitchen:

1. Mashed Potatoes with Cheese and Garlic, topped with Meat Sauce
2. Baked Mac and Cheese with Cream and Herb dressing
3. Chewy Nutty Glittery Cookie (Almond, Peanuts, Cashew, Pistachio)
4. Cheesy Mushroom Burger (my husband loved this!)

The following are still cooking inside my mind:
1. Coco cookie
2.Fun Fruity Fondue
3. Baked Potato with chicken sauce topping

Recent Feats

Here's a list of my newly developed recipes. Some are not so recent but i promised myself to write down the recipes. I am not writing them down now but this list will remind me to do it later.

1. No-bake cheesecake with strawberry cream topping
2. Tortilla with plain salsa and mayo-onion dressing
3. Plum and almond tart
4. Almond cookies
5. Oatmeal-Cornflakes-Marshmallow Pie crust (no name yet, though "Cornmallowoat Crust" seem nice sounding)

It is Eid today. End of Ramadan. That's probably the reason why my thoughts are on food today.

Big Secret

I am spilling out a big news. It is in my new blog. It is a draft, thus a secret spilling. :)
I am just pondering now how to start since every time i write the first few lines, either of my boys would wail for my attention. Sometimes I have to type with one hand while the other hand holds up my Leaf as I breastfeed him. It is classic multitasking. Just like a monkey. And I could not race after my thoughts, well if i luckily have inspiration swirling above my head that time. Mostly it is blank sheet. Eventually i stop, delete the words, and rush to my boys, wipe away tears, smudges and smears from their face. I have become more of a rubber end of a pencil than its black tip. I am now an eraser, not a writer.
I am currently in a dilemma whether to actually pursue this or not. My new blog awaits the entrance of the most important part of my spill. The introduction. As long as i am able to write that down, i will be half way done and will just glide through the wilderness within the body.
Ahh, i don not know. The four year interruption had been agonizingly long and silent, I could not wait any longer. Though there are still minor interruptions on a day to day basis, my desire just keeps on building up. It bursts through the weight of my mundane dailiness. It breaks through my opaque obscure living. So i write. And sadly, my pieces seem to be wobbly, disintegrated vines that has sprung forth from my outbursts. They look (read) really bad to me. SO i erase again. Sigh...this is a never ending alterations of a dream. I am afraid it could turn into a nightmarish form of written words. Very wrong. Very lame. Very pretentious, ambitious, and deluded. So very me. But at least it is original. Blood flows therein.

The Sound of Silence and Salad

Sweet Silence.
I dont know what time it is now. The boys had breakfast and bath, and now they are in bed, sleeping. I don’t know if this is already their afternoon nap or this is a new nap schedule. Tarek, having to stay up all night caring for Sam who’s having tummy trouble, is also asleep now. We had to stop giving Sami milk for a while and feed him with only water with rehydration salt and salted biscuits (that’s really some torture for Sam who likes to eat and drink milk.)

So this is bliss…sweet silence…and i am craving for my Veggie Salsa with Sesame Seeds which i have been planning to cook for Mama Zohra and Fthayim, my ever caring sister in law. This recipe is an improvised version of my mother’s Vegetable Fettuccine, or should i say, revised version (sans the Fettuccine!) My tito Dan also has his own version of this (actually it’s Chop Suey) which he once cooked here in our house. All my in-laws loved it, especially my Baba Khalifa.

Pinky’s Veggie Salad with Sesame Seeds

Ingredients:
Garlic, 1 clove, minced
Onions, 2 cups, sliced
Bell Pepper (red and green), 2 cups, sliced
Cauliflower
Broccolli
Carrots, 2 cups, diced (same size as the cauli and broccolli)
Potatoes, 2 cups, diced
Mushroom, buttons, 1 cup
Worsistershire Sauce
salt and pepper
Orange juice, 2 tbsps. Lemon, 2 tbsps., 7-up or Sprite-1/8 cup, blend all with a glass of water.
Sesame seeds

Steam cauliflower, broccolli, and carrots for 5 minutes. Steam potatoes until half cook. Set aside.
Saute garlic until golden brown. Add onions. Add half of the bell pepper when onions begin to caramelize. Add mushrooms and potatoes. Season with salt and pepper. Pour in the juice-lemon-softdrink-water mixture (and enjoy the sizzling sound!) Mix until potatoes are cooked well. Add the other half of the bell pepper and the remaining vegetables. Stir fry. Season with worcistershire sauce. Re-season with salt and pepper to taste. Plate in. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top.

(chicken or seafood can be added in the saute, but this purely veggie mix is more enjoyable for me.)

Solitude can be really so comforting.. It has seduced me into dreaming of a culinary delight. Hmmmm….

My one Big C

This coffee tastes so good. i have given up caffeine in my diet, but lately i have rediscovered the highs of it. So here i am, back to my "coffee in the silent morning." Even though i miss the mornings in the Philippines: sunrays through the window, sound of birds chirping on the frontyard trees, the neighbor's rooster crowing, sizzling sound of breakfast cooking in the kitchen (by the helper, yes), early morning news on the tv, the neighbor cleaning her yard (you can hear the not so distant sound of walis tingting brushing the ground) and oh the warm, gentle, day breeze...then my dear Coffee seeping through my mouth, taste buds, then the warmly gliding in my throat.. the feeling is still the same here, and now.

I guess my affair with this sinfully bittersweet beverage will never end. It gives me the rush. It inspires me to write. Together with solitude, they empty up my cup, lets me pour laughter and tears for my own relief and joy, and then they fill me up again with more...until i am reminded once again of who really i am. A part of me belongs here: with Coffee, mornings, solitude. I never realized how much i miss this. And after a while, i pick up my guitar, sing, and pray. I fall on my knees, receive mercy and grace.

Mornings like this pave way for worship.

Leaf is awake now.

The Great Cockroach Chase

i am capturing into words what had just transpired and will rush it into this "memory box." this is one experience i hope to see one day re-enacted and filmed by Hollywood...or perhaps, Walt Disney. Di ko mag dugay...

grabe! last night Tarek told me there was cockroach in the bedroom. I don't know why they always come out after i disinfect. I have just finished cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen, and sprayed the house with Dettol. I asked him if he killed it. He said no, and it's hiding behind the 10 feet closet. I didn't care anymore since i was too tired and thought that it wont come out until tomorrow night since cockroaches don't like the light. So we slept. Then i dreamt of Sami killing two cockroaches with his bare hands.

Morning came (ya, just this morning, about 2 hours ago,) I woke up hoping that God will gift me again with solitude, even for just an hour. I tooka shower at 7:30 ahead of Tarek who goes to work before 8. Actually, i just shamppoed my hair coz it felt oily and i planned to "spa" it later when i take a bath. Then i made myself a cup of really frothy, creamy, coffee, sat infront of the PC with towel still wrapped around my head and attacked the keyboard (emailing an editor of The Tripoli Post.) I took advantage of the "caffeine high" and just kept on writing. When i pressed "send," barely 30 minutes after i woke up, Leaf cried. I rushed to his side, tried to breastfeed him hoping that he'll go back to sleep. Futile attempt. He got up and started to play. I placed him on the floor with his toys (newspaper, hairbrush, empty canister of Wet Wipes, and wooden laddle) and went back to the PC. Just when i sat, Sami was already by my side telling me, "Good morning...mama, kiss!!!" I hugged him and gave him a kiss. Gosh, he is so sweet. Then i said to him, "Good morning, sweetheart. Nice morning, noh?" But he was already on the floor, grabbing Leaf's toy and Leaf was pulling his hair. Both cried. Wailed, actually. It's another crazy morning for me. It was not good.

So i left the PC, i left my dreams hanging...and attended to my boys. Leaf won't stop crying and began to have tantrums. At his age, he'd roll on the floor and scream and would bang his head on the wall if he could not get what he wants. Sami was also getting jealous of his brother so he kept on hitting him. We had breakfast on the floor then it's potty time for Leaf and afterwards bath time. I developed a new style of bathing them together in the tub. Leaf first, then let him play on his tub while i bath Sami. I wasl already so stressed before that coz Sami was having tantrums and he refused to go to the bathroom. I had to pull him while carrying Leaf who's already naked. After all my futile attempts to convince him, i scared him, "Hala, naa cockroach!" or "Sige ka, bite ka sa cockroach coz the cockroach likes smelly diapers....hmmmm, i smell a baby na wala pa nag bath, says the cockroach..." And finally, Sami went to the bathroom. Then i changed ntheir clothes Sami first, so he can go and play, then Leaf next para good mood pa siya pag ibutang sa walker (coz i planned to take a bath while both boys are still feeling fresh and lSami is still kept busy by the TV and Leaf is enjoying his toysso they won't notice that mama is not around.) But then i still had to apply the hair "spa" cream and wait for about 15 minutes before rinsing....but only after 5 minutes (i told myself, "what the heck, waiting for 15 minutes and Sami won't watch the tv without me? better take a shower now") i took off my clothes (and i was still talking to Sami, "Go watch TV coz naa na cockroach...hala o?"), grabbed my towel and as i was about to place it on top of the laundry machine, indeed there was the cockroach gliding down my towel. I went crazy when it flew towards me. Yelps, leaps, squirm...grabe! I squealed, "Samiiiii...yaiiiiiks!!!" while whisking away the pest.

Basta, for 10 minutes, in all my dakilang ina-wrapped in towel only-glory, hair all greasy, screaming baby in my left arm, a two year old tugging at my lone covering, and in my right hand pointing at wherever "the enemy" might be, the only weapon i know how to use: Dettol Liquid Disinfectant. Mura kog si Lara Croft bah, terminating a dangerous enemy...pero mao lagi, dala siyagit, squirm, running away from the ok-ok if mu lihok...then pa duol na pud, then "squirt" sa Dettol. But before that, i encouraged my two year old, "Go Sami, get the cockroach," and open the bathroom door so he could go inside. I gave him my slipper and told him to smack real hard if he sees the pest. Si Sami pud intawon (im so proud of him and so ashamed of myself, di ba kaha ko ma sumbong DSWD ani?) also looked for the roach, with the weapon in his hand that his mama gave him. "Cockroach mama? here?" he pointed at the door. Na guilty ko later on kay murag wala naman sa bathroom, and ako two year old gi sugo nako patay sa ok-ok? Anyway, i thought ni gawas sa gamay na opening sa CR window. Ay sus, kay pag close na nako sa door and naka ginhawa na ko and decided to bath na...ning glide naman nuon sa curtain kilid sa bathroom. Then that was when "the chase" began.

Una, gi dagan ko dala si Leaf kay si Sami was not afraid (though i could sense that he feels "yucky", he is more curious than scared,) and told Sami to watch the roach in case it moves (kay ning ok-ok ang ok-ok sa kilid sa door tungod pud sa ka hadlok) coz i went to get the Dettol. Then ma-o na pag sugod nako ug attack: spray, murag ga hawid kog 45 calibre gun, one meter away from me ang puerte ka diutay na kaaway, ug hala lang ko ug spray dala kirig-kirig (grabe gross jud!!!) ug si baby Leaf sige lang tanaw sa ako, tingala na unsa na iya mama ug kinsa kontra. Si Sami, sige sunod sa ako nga sige pud sunod sa murag groggy na nga roach. Super ngilngig kaayo, especially when hinay na kaayo dagan and wobbly na kaayo lihok (yuck!) and ang Dettol, mura nag machine gun...one cup ako na hurot ug sige spray. The roach slowed down, then i stopped spraying - not because it slowed down but because it slowed down under the PC table, beneath the tangled wires and socket. That was the time i gained courage- to SWAK! it to the max. Naa gamay squirt sound, so stop na ko and left the ok-ok there. I told Sami " We did it! Dead na cockroach, Sam."

I placed Leaf back on the walker, re-wrapped the towel around me, and took a bath. When the cold shower rained on my face, i began to laugh. Non-stop. Until i cried. It was hilarious - me, in that situation, alone with my boys and the cockroach. Kung naa lang hidden camera, it would be a winner sa Funniest Home Video. Pero walay camera. The only "camera" was The Divine. It is amazing how that experience brought me to my knees, laughing, and praising God -for my wonderful boys, and for the reality of life, it's lightness, and for how a little pest could mess me up, make me realize that there is nothing more real and fun than "here and now."

It hasn't been a good morning. And God did not gift me Solitude as i hoped. But he gave me something to laugh (real hard) about, and it was fun. It has been a great morning.

My Dish

So my journey begins now. Here in my kitchen, dishing inspirations, memories, and random thoughts.

Dreams are reawakened, from bubbles into a platter of delight, and hope.
And perhaps, pain too.

This is my craft room, your haven, trash bin, closet.
I write, you feed. I feed, you live.
I write, i die. And then again, i wake.
And live.

On Love and Onions

A very long time ago, I was told "Pinky, our love is like an onion..." and i couldn't figure out the rest of the words/explanation because all saw before my eyes was a "slow peeling of the onion bulb until there's nothing left." And tears blurred that vision, realizing that "Love like an Onion" speech is actually an introduction towards the end. A break up. Boy, was that so bland a taste for words? And the poor onion, my sweet spice of all times, was hostaged. So i believed the statement and let go.
This time, I want to redeem Onion.
As i slice the smooth, shiny, translucent bulb, happiness fill me. Every "guinisa" tastes glorious with tons of sliced or diced onions. People always wonder what i put on it. Don't we ever wonder how most people seem to be a lot happier, lighter, and more inspiring than some? No, it's not because of the guinisa with lots of onions. It is love. Sweet, and spicy.
When sauteing, I don't need to add "vetsin" or "guinisa mix." What do I need the artificial flavor for when i have loads of onions to make my food real happy?
Love never peels away. An onion, never does too, or else it becomes nothing, and leaves nothing but a smell that makes you cry. And though sometimes it brings you tears, but it always comes back on a platter that fills your life.
My marriage is so spiced up that i, together with my husband, could be tossed anywhere and any place would simply taste good. Onions in salads, onions in broth, onions in patties, onions over anything...Oh sweet love!
I bet there's more "Onion Stories" to discover and be inspired with.
Let us redeem Onion.

The Wonders of an Egg

My son, Sami loves boiled eggs. Haven't some of us, at some point in our childhood, favored boiled eggs more than anything? Just like the ad "Itlog" of Lactum, i could only sigh and boil eggs every morning. And peel off shells. And remember Joyjoy Mac everytime. She taught me, at Duka Bay, during a Holy Week retreat, how to peel off egg shells real fast: CRACK, SQUEEZE, PEEL. Usually we just crack, and peel, which makes it more difficult because of a white's pasty layer that sticks between the shell and the egg. It almost looks like a mosaic of cream, white, and cracks. But when you CRACK it first on any hard surface (tile, back of spoon, back of head, etc.) then SQUEEZE gently, enough to create larger cracks, you then can PEEL off the shell easily.
E.T. (Extra thought): People with "cracks" actually need a gentle squeeze. You ignore them and let them stay looking like ugly mosaics of humanity, you suffer the sight (and sound and "feel" ) of them. You squeeze or pound them hard, you suffer the mess (and smell and taste) of them. Give them a tender, loving, careful squeeze, and they will let you into to themselves, to peel them, and bring out a smooth, royal whiteness that has a great potential to flavor and garnish your life.

Sweet!

Sweet!
How i hate ants in the kitchen. Tarek told me not to touch them. As long as they're black and little, they are harmless (they just make my creamed coffee look so polka dotted!)
Tarek teased me of being so sweet that's why my kitchen ia a little bit infested with ants. They don't just love the sugar,he said, but they like to hang around wherever i leave my doughy scent. Oh i don't know about that. Ants like me because I am sweet?
I didn't really cared much about why or how ants could like me, until i saw a small swarm on the floor today....Ants. Having a feast.
All over a little, dead cockroach.

That Bad Tooth

I am going to the dentist today. It took me three weeks enduring this bad tooth until i finally agreed with Tarek to have this extracted. The pain, daily and nightly, was unbelievably too much despite my medication of Augmentin and Ibufrupen, Panadol, and Ponstan - three times a day! I would rather overdose on pain relievers than go to a new dentist (i left my dentist with the gentlest hand in the Philippines :) ) But after the greatest ache of all aches hit me (i was afraid it would infect my brain and kill me, mentally if not physically) - the pain spread to my temples, ears, neck and head- i finally decided to go.
I remember an experience with pain similar to this...i was holding on to it, i didn't know why. I know it's giving me pain, but i didn't like to let go of it. Imagine me crying, nose stuffed with tears (a.k.a. "sip-on") "Ayaw dagi go biya- e baaa!. Ihadag dako dadad ibo gutdo, ayaw dag gu bya-eeeeh...dagid da gaayo ibo ga buhadod da akooo...huhuhuh..." Yucks noh? It was a scene (and sin!) of me sprawled on the floor, clinging, tugging onto a pant walking out of the door. Then i screamed at it, "Badik dagi daaa!!!...badik didi da agooo!!" Pathetic (squirm!) After a few weeks that Pair of Pants would walk back into my life again. Like a bad tooth, the "cavity" served as a "homing device" for infection. No matter how high the dose of antibiotic i would take, sooner or later, the toothache would return. I had to get rid of Mr. Cavity by extracting my very own "bad tooth" - Paradigm Shift. (Terrible) makeover. New (bad) haircut and color....Oh it was sooo bad, the only anaesthesia available was "shopping." Eventually, pain relievers shifted from Blue Ice, to Vodka, to Tequilla - accompanied with the Videoke. Ahhh, its a wonder how pain could lead us to the edge of our sanity. But thank God i'm sober now. There is a time to plant and there is a time to harvest. Mine was a time to uproot.
Now i am waiting for Tarek to pick me up. I am a little nervous. I've always loved and took care of my teeth, except for times that i still want to relish the taste of dessert in my mouth and would take hours before i brush. I know it's going to take a while to get used to having lost one molar. But this is the best thing for me to do, so that the terrible toothache will NEVER come back.
Take out the bad tooth, to take out the chronic toothache. That is the molar...errr, moral of my story.

Don't Sweat The Pancakes

Finally, the kind of pancake that i always crave for and buy in pastry shops or even fast food chains can now "rise" in my very own pan. Thanks to Nigella Lawson of Food Network, there is no need for me to buy that batter-in-a-box just in case my morning mood calls for a fluffy pancake.

I remember picking up that box of ready-to-whip-and-cook pancake batter in the grocery store and secretly place it in my mother's cart when i was a child. When we get home, she would wonder how in the world did that box get into her grocery bag. Anyhow, i diligently followed the instructions in the box, but did not come up up with the ones that look like the picture in the box. Years pass, i learned to bake cakes and bread but i was still not able to make beautiful and tasty pancakes. All my attempts produce the kind that i saw being sold by vendors outside the gate of my grade school: flat and greasy, though mine was not that yellow! I stopped trying, but i continued buying the ready to cook ones (still always coming up with the same result, and it doesn't taste as good as the ones being served in restaurants.) Until one day, i saw how Nigella Lawson whip up that batter and made the pancakes, all fluffy (just like that picture in the box!) in 5 minutes. I thought the show was edited or something, but i tried it in my kitchen and it worked! Later on, i kept on improvising and came up with my very own fluffy, a bit crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, sinfully yummy and looks picture perfect too. :)

Pancake Batter:
1 cup flour
2 tbsps. sugar
1 tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp. yeast
1 large egg (2 if small)

1 1/4 cup milk

2 tbsps. vegetable or corn oil (not melted butter)

Sift and mix all dry ingredients in a bowl. Make a well in the center. Beat in egg, followed by the milk. Mix well but don't over beat. Blend in the oil until batter is smooth. Leave in the ref overnight (this tip is from my husband, Tarek who once worked as a Catering Supervisor and got this idea from an Italian pastry chef.)

Grease frying pan and heat, medium low. Pour in about half a soup ladle of batter into the pan. Turn upside down when bubbles begin to appear and the sides are brown.

Top with butter and honey or marmalade while still hot. (You may use Karo syrup instead of honey or marmalade.)

My own twist: i put cinnamon or nutmeg in the batter, and use homemade strawberry marmalade for topping. And when i cook the pancakes, i hum any happy tune in mind.

JUST A Blaahhhhh!g

Am confronted with the reality of death. I still burn inside every now and then. I taste acrid, bitter. Daily stress take its toll and hesitation towards kitchen work creep in. What is food but to sustain...and what is cooking but only to recreate what is already edible, and digestible. I feel very sick now, too sick even to escape to my now favorite comfort: cooking and eating. Naming this blog (blahhh!g actually) is, in truth, an improvised noise of voices in my head. I write about food and life, when my heart screams "laaaaaaaaame!" See how "lame" (English) reads delicious (lami) in my native dialect. It's a resemblance of this pretentious blog of mine. Because I don't really like to write about food and life...well, not always. And i don't really remember the past or people, not oftentimes, whenever im in the kitchen (that happens, always, during my REM.) Most of the time i remember the tea im boiling when im hooked up with my "research work" (ha! classy term for surfing the internet) and find the kitchen filled with aroma of mint...and the pot with evaporated tea. I remember the clothes in the washing machine, after a no-break-daily-3-hour-chore of making the bed, feeding and bathing the boys, cleaning the kitchen, "dettoling" (im a new fan of the disinfectant) furnitures and doors, vaccuming the 220 sq.m. floor. By that time, the clothes are almost dry inside the only-spin-no-dryer machine. Nevertheless, they have to be hanged and sprayed with anti-bac Downy. Afterwards, I clean the bathroom with a quarter cup of Dettol.

These are what i remember everyday. Whenever i am about to eat, that's when i begin to yawn, or "remember" that i have a headache and must take Panadol after eating, or remember that i haven't sat down nor stretched within the past three hours. ANd when am about to relax, (im usually still unbathed until noon) Leaf cries for milk...breastmilk. And then he sleeps for an hour. Then i take a shower, then fold the clothes (from yesterday's laundry), then finish my tea while teaching Sam ABC's and 123's (stole the term from Barney)
Within this half-day time frame (day starts at 8am, sun sets at 8pm, so half of midy is at 2pm) doing all these chores, i steal a few minutes to chat with friends back home, grab anything non-toxic from the ref (for i might mistake some meds for food) just to fill my grumbling tummy, run to Leaf who is stirring from his one-hour 11am nap and feed him (lying down and eating at the same time) and then clean up Sami's mess (toys and food) and Sami's mess (diaper change.) I should be going crazy by 2 pm but their afternoon nap always spares me from that. And I should be exhausted due to my OCPD (assuming this diagnoses of my 70-year old-hanging-on-to-shreds-of-youth male shrink is correct) but the silence of the house (and its cleanness) brings in a little luxury for me which is solitude. That's the time I write, and exhale, and expel stress. However, I couldn't. Because I end up doing "research work" again, perhaps subconsciously looking for a way to relieve me from something deeper than this socalled "stress."

At night, I do acrobatics, feeding Leaf, while Sami finds his way (all over me) to cuddle with me. It's almost symbolic...feeling like i'm walking on a tight rope, doing a balancing act, and actually wanting to just jump and finish off the act with a "blahhg!" but i couldn't because i have precious lives hanging onto me. When they sleep, I remember (again) that I am tired. And I should sleep. But I couldn't. So I cry. Loud, but a little shamelessly, for I cover my face with a pillow (and i think of washing the pillow in the morning.) I cry because I feel helpless, and in pain from head to toe. I cry because I feel alone. I cry...and I remember the good old days. And I cry even more, remembering life back then, back home. I think of how I considered pain to be something beautiful then and now it is something that makes me think of sickness, then death. Thus, i come face to face with my own mortality. And then, I remember God. Then I pray. Then I begin to remember the things that I should be thankful for, like love. I remember Tarek, who never fails to ask me, all the time when he is home if i need or want something. He bathes the boys, and feeds them everytime he is home. He cooks, makes the bed, lets me sleep when he is home. I thank God for back rubs and foot massages. I thank God for a husband who gives me my medicine everytime I feel ill. I thank God for 'i love you's" and hugs and kisses, every single day. I thank God for my healthy children. I thank God for family and friends. I thank God for I want nothing more, but only a good sleep and to swim on a pool again (wearing a swimsuit of course) with my boys. I thank God for hope. I thank God for grace. And most of all, I thank God for love.
Stress could be good...or is it "pain" that is good? Because it makes you cry. And it is good to cry. It makes everything looks normal afterwards. But it is better to pray, for it makes everything all right.

Dreams 101

I just saw what Sami and i made together while I taught him shapes and colors and how to use the mouse a few weeks ago. It was cute. And what made it beautiful was that it reminded me not to cease dreaming, for how could i teach my children to dream when i don't have any of my own? And how could I build up their faith when they can't see through my life that dreams do come true?

I should love life so that they will grow up to become happy individuals. I should be passionate again so they will become driven to pursue their own stars. I should be true to myself, know myself, and love myself, so they will grow up secure of their identity, and of their heritage.
I remember a book (yes, already a book in a disc) i wrote. I left it where I believe it belonged: the past. It was a dream that almost came true...Now i have crossed over a bridge i have burned. It's time to dream new dreams. It will keep me going. It will keep me alive. It will keep me sane.

A Day in the Life of a...

I cried buckets last night. As usual, the exhaustion brought about by my kind of "daily grind" was just too much. And I had terrible pains all over -my left leg, my back, my hips, my shoulders, neck, head, and my heart. Didn't i just wrote that pain is good? Hah! that was just perhaps one of my pathetic attempts at self-nursing. This time, i was all 3 parts (body, soul, spirit) disabled. I needed someone to call "emergency" for me.

Tarek was putting the boys to sleep and I have just finished scrubbing the entire bathroom like a madwoman, until i almost choke on the smell of the chlorine. It was 12 midnight, and i was still in the kitchen, not (yet) eating dinner, but cleaning the oven, the cupboard,the dish rack, the sink, and the floor. I couldn't stop, despite the fact that my entire body is already screaming in pain and sweating like rain. I clean like its a matter of life and death, like trying to exorcise demons i have buried alive inside me. They stay buried, but they also stay alive. And i needed to get rid of them for I was being devoured by that which possessed me.

After i have finished my almost-paganistic-ritual (worship of "clean"?) sans the sound of music or beating drums (except for the rhythm of my pant and my heartbeat pounding in my head) i threw myself on the bed and cried some more, unto God this time. I couldn't remember any single thing that i should be thankful for. Haven't i just been all 3-parts-disabled? I just cried for help. All that i could muster was to weep, sniffle, sob, and cry agen, vise versa. "God, i am very tired. and i want to go home (to the Phil.) and this is all too much for me...please help me God.Pleeeeez! ....huhuhuhu!"Then I took a shower, changed, turned on the washing machine, made a cup of mint tea which i didn't drink because i couldn't find the strainer,fed Leaf, then i fell asleep. Dinner-less but anaesthesized. Talk about "deliverance." Tarek hanged the clean laundry which i forgot to wait for.

It was that simple, the prayer. And i wished it didn't have to be that dramatic. And comic. But it was. Because of the pain (yes, here i go again with "pain" which i have so low a tolerance for, or do i? And isn't the first letter the same as my name's? Pinky. And also as praise, and pathetic, and pretty,and prude, poor,perfect,poignat,pure,prisoner...tell me to stop...right now.)
I remember my tita/friend/mentor, Helen O., in her TV show on CBChannel in CDO, saying that "Pain is a sign that we need to put something in order." It was quoted from one of her teaching materials. It is very true, and i live by the principle of order (OC, hellow?) but perhaps i need this kind of clutter? The inner kind. And the clean kind. To remind me that it's ok to be un-normal sometimes, its ok to cry, andthat its even ok to publicly declare your weaknesses...and even sins. I guess that's when "deliverance" begins to work. I guess....but then at least i am ok now. And needing to know if this is normal.

Footah sits on the Toilet

Meaningful Words

Bazin (Libyan) - Libyan food made of barley. You eat it by first digging your hand deep into the sticky, starchy and saucy barley.
Basin (ilonggo) - Stress is the same as "Bazin"; toilet bowl.
Footah (Libyan) - table cloth, but usually placed on the floor during mealtime.
Footah with capital "P" (Tagalog slang) - wild beast/animal, or something/someone else.

Im looking forward to telling my mother that here in Libya, you dig your hand deep into the "bazin"...into that sticky, starchy, saucy thing, and...I also wonder how my mother in law would react if i tell her that in the Philippines, the "footah" sits on the "bazin" while in Libya, people always put the "footah" under the "bazin."


Gasul (Libyan) - brand name of a laundry soap
Gasul (Filipino) - brand name of a cooking gas

(Boy, was i amazed to see that brand in a box!)

If you ask someone "Wen?" in Liby, you will be answered with a direction or a location. Wen means where. "Shino?" means what. "Sino?" in Filipino, means who.

If I tell a Libyan that Filipinos smoke "Sigarilyo", it would be a shocker. Whaaaat??? Filipinos smoke cockroach?
Sigarilyo (though pronounced as Sigrillo) means cockroach.

Here, the women are "ok" and if you sing "la la la la la" to any tune, people will stop, look at you, and wonder what's gotten into your head, saying " no! no! no! no!"

La (Libyan) - No; as to "no, don't do that" or "no, its not that" (have not or no more is "Mahfish")Bahi (Libyan) - Ok, as in OK